Curiosity is natural, and asking questions is one of the best ways to learn and connect with others. However, when it comes to engaging with LGBTQ+ people, it’s important to ensure your questions come from a place of respect and care. Let’s dive into how to ask respectfully, so your curiosity is from a place of sportsmanship.
1. Ask Yourself First: "Do I Need to Know?"
Before asking a question, pause and consider why you’re asking. Is this information relevant to your relationship or the conversation? Questions like “What pronouns do you use?” are often appreciated, but deeply personal inquiries—like asking about someone’s transition or sexual history—are best avoided unless the person has invited you into that part of their story.
Think of it this way: You wouldn’t ask a teammate about their personal life mid-game. Timing and context matter.
2. Phrase Your Questions with Care
Respectful questions avoid assumptions. For example, instead of asking, “What was your real name?” (which can feel invalidating), you might say, “How would you like me to introduce you?” Using inclusive language shows that you value the person for who they are today.
Pro Tip: Leading with “I want to make sure I’m being respectful…” signals your good intentions and opens the door for dialogue. Asking, “Do you have the bandwidth to talk about some that’s a little personal right now?” also gives the person the ability to consent to the conversation before you begin.
3. Read the Room—and the Person
Not every LGBTQ+ person is comfortable answering personal questions, and that’s okay. Pay attention to body language or verbal cues that might indicate someone doesn’t want to engage. Respect their boundaries and move on gracefully.
Key Reminder: Respect is like defense in hockey—sometimes the best play is knowing when to back off.
4. Ask Online First
Chances are, you are not the first person to ask this same question–check online if possible before engaging with someone in person. Using the internet to do your own educational labor before putting that on someone else is always a winning move.
Pro Tip: Blogs, discussion boards, and community pages are all great places for information. However, make sure you’re looking at opinions from LGBTQ+, not just about LGBTQ+ people.
5. Educate Yourself Outside the Conversation
It’s great to ask questions, but it’s also important to do some learning on your own. There are countless resources, books, and articles written by LGBTQ+ individuals about their experiences. Coming into a conversation with a baseline understanding shows respect and reduces the emotional labor placed on the person you’re talking to.
Pro Tip: Think of this as training off the ice—building your knowledge ensures you’re ready to engage with empathy and awareness when game day (the conversation) comes.
Why Respect Matters
Questions rooted in care and understanding help break down barriers, build trust, and create a more inclusive world. When in doubt, remember that LGBTQ+ people are just people—fans of the same sports, music, and coffee orders as everyone else. Engage with the same kindness you’d want for yourself.
Bottom line, curiosity is great, but respect is essential. Ask thoughtfully, listen openly, and let every conversation strengthen the team effort toward inclusion. 🏳️🌈
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